"He keeps playing me, but I don't want to leave him"
I met this guy
at my workplace, as at the time he told me he was in a relationship with
a girl spanning 8yrs, but claims he no longer has feelings for the
girl.
Fast forward, he
traveled abroad for his masters, before he traveled; he proposed to the
girl, I got to know from a mutual friend because he deleted me off his
BBM.
I let go and went
on with my life. He tried to reach me but I shut him out. When he came
back after a year, he kept trying to make us friends, and then we
started talking.
I guess after a while, [he and the other girl] started having issues and then she returned the ring.
Meanwhile
he spends all of his time with me. He further mentioned that we should
get back together, I hesitated at first but then we got back together.
We have never had sex, he shows support most of the time, though we make out.
The issue now is this, he still talks to the girl, they borrow each other money and he sends her airtime.
I
told him I wasn't interested in him and broke up with him when I
noticed all of that and he just came up with how difficult it is to make
everyone forget the 9 years they’ve been together because most of his
friends still try to make them come back together and he feels like she
would be devastated [if he breaks up with her completely.]
He
came back begging and said they only have a casual relationship and
he's ready to do anything to make [his relationship with me] work.
I
have met his brother and when I insisted on meeting his parents, he
invited me to a gathering where I saw them and just related but he
didn't officially introduce me.
He said we would schedule a day to go to his parents’ house.
Just
last week he mentioned his friend talking to him about his 9years
relationship and he told me he needed the weekend to think.
I
got furious and cut off communication with him because I thought he had
decided, but he came up [again] with gist of how he wants to be with me
after I started ignoring him.
He
keeps calling and saying he's decided to be with me and for me to meet
his parents, but I still checked and he sent the other girl airtime.
My
question now is, what should I do? Should I just forget about him, even
though it’s quite hard because we used to spend all of our free time
together and we still clash at some regional meetings at work, or I
should give him another chance?---------------
Hello,
I really must say how sorry I am for what you are going through.
I can only imagine the emotional pressure placed upon you right now.
Being
in such a position of uncertainty is never good for anyone, and though
love and life always have moments of complications, people who truly
love and care about you will never deliberately complicate things for
you.
I do not know how this sounds to
you, but I am of a very strong conviction that this guy in question
intentionally put you in this circumstance.
How do I mean?
From the message you sent me, it is obvious you have been a second choice to him since you both began whatever you have going.
It
appears to me, from everything you sent, that he’s only keeping his
options open and only comes back to you when it appears things with the
other girl will never work.
No one deserves to be in that situation. Everyone deserves someone who sees them as the first choice, the only choice.
No matter how hard it’s going to be for you, I am going to advise you to stay very far away from that guy.
You are probably going to be reading this, asking yourself where you are supposed to start again from.
The
answer to that is this: no matter how far you have gone in a wrong
direction, it won’t still take you to your preferred destination. The
solution will be to turn back, and head in the right direction.
The
right direction in this instance will be to let him go, set time to
heal and reposition yourself for a better, healthier relationship.
I actually see no alternative option here, but I must mention that the final decision lies with you.
I hope you make one that will bring you all the happiness you deserve.
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